I frown, disgusted. What the fuck?! I think, clicking DELETE.

I continue to the second email:

Hey baby, looking for a generous woman who likes to suck and get fucked in the back of her throat. I’m seven-inches cut, and I like the feel of a tight-ass throat gripping my dick when I nut. I’m 5’9, about 168 lbs, average build, dark-skinned. I’m a dominate brotha so I would like to meet a submissive woman. I’m disease free and HIV negative. Hope you are too. Hit me back.

Generous? Submissive? “Nigga, puhleeze,” I sigh aloud, rolling my eyes. Delete.

I open the next three, and want to vomit. They are mostly crude, or ridiculous; particularly this one:

Hi. I’m a clean, cool, horny, married Italian guy. I’m also well hung ’n thick. I’d love to put on my wife’s g-string, maybe even her thigh-highs, and let you suck me off through her panties, then pull out my thick, hot cock and give me good oral. I’m 6’2”, 180 lbs, good shape. Don’t worry. I’m a straight man, but behind closed doors I love wearing my wife’s panties and getting oral. I hope this interests you.

I suck my teeth. “No, motherfucker, it doesn’t!” Delete. What the fuck I look like, sucking a nigga who wears women’s panties? Straight man, my ass! Bitch, you a Miss Honey! I think, opening up the sixth email.

Yo, lookin’ for a bitch who enjoys suckin’ all kinds of cock. Hood nigga here, lookin’ to tear a throat up. Not beat to hear whinin’ ’bout achin’ jaws and not wantin’ a muhfucka to nut in her mouth. I’m lookin’ to unzip, fuck a throat, then nut ’n bounce. If u wit’ it, holla back.

Delete.

Ugh! The one downside of putting out sex ads on the internet, you never know what you’re going to get. It’s hit or miss. Sometimes you luck up and get exactly what you’re looking for. But most times you get shit even a dog wouldn’t want. Truth be told, there’s a bunch of nasty-ass kooks online. And judging by these emails, I’m already convinced tonight’s going to be a bust. Try to convince myself that it’s a sign that it’s not meant to be, not tonight anyway; maybe not ever again.