A Lee Martinez
Divine Misfortune
© 2010
To Mom and the DFWWW, for all the usual reasons.
To Sally, just because I know she’ll be really, really excited to be mentioned in a dedication, and anyone who can put up with me for this long deserves some kind of acknowledgment.
To World of Warcraft. For the Horde!
To me, because it’s been a while since I’ve dedicated a book to myself, and damn it, I’ve earned it with this one.
And to Squirrel Girl, greatest superhero ever. And, yes, she did defeat Thanos single-handedly. It’s in continuity. Deal with it.
1
“Hello. My name is Anubis. I like long walks on the beach, carrying departed souls into the underworld, and the cinema of Mr. Woody Allen.”
Wincing, Teri pushed the PAUSE button. “Oh, ick.”
“What? What’s wrong with this one?” After an hour of watching Internet videos, Phil’s patience was wearing thin. It seemed no god would be good enough for his wife.
“Look at him,” she said. “He’s got a dog head.”
“Jackal,” corrected Phil. “It’s a jackal head.”
She frowned. “Eww. That’s even worse.”
“How is that worse?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It just is. I mean, dogs are nice, at least. But jackals… who has anything nice to say about them?”
“He isn’t a jackal, honey,” he said, with an edge on the term of endearment. “He just has a jackal head.” He loved his wife dearly, but she was making this difficult. If it had been up to him, he’d just pick one. Any old low-maintenance god would’ve worked.
“But what about that cinema of Mr. Woody Allen line?”
“You like Woody Allen,” countered Phil.
“Yes, I like him. But who says cinema?”
“Now you’re just nitpicking.”