She had an overnight bag with her; she took off her clothes in the bathroom and came back in a nightdress. They climbed into bed and he turned out the light. She felt very tense to him. He felt very tense to himself.

“We could just cuddle,” he suggested.

“What is cuddle?”

He demonstrated.

“So cuddle is not fucking?”

“No, cuddle is not fucking.”

“O.K., cuddle.”

After that they relaxed, and she soon fell asleep.

The next time, after some kissing, he reacquainted himself with the lubricated struggle of the condom. He knew he was meant to unroll it, but found himself trying to tug it on like a sock, pulling at the rim in a haphazard way. Doing it in the dark didn’t help, either. But she didn’t say anything, or cough discouragingly, and eventually he turned toward her. She pulled up her nightie and he climbed on top of her. His mind was half filled with lust and fucking, and half empty, as if wondering what he was up to. He didn’t think about her very much that first time. It was a question of looking out for yourself. Later you could look out for the other person.

“Was that O.K.?” he said after a while.

“Yes, was O.K.”

Vernon laughed in the dark.

“Are you laughing at me? Was not O.K. for you?”

“Andrea,” he said, “everything’s O.K. Nobody’s laughing at you. I won’t let anyone laugh at you.” As she slept, he thought, We’re starting again, both of us. I don’t know what she’s had in her past, but maybe we’re both starting again from the same sort of low point, and that’s O.K. Everything’s O.K.

The next night, she was more relaxed, and gripped him hard with her legs. He couldn’t tell whether she came or not.

“Gosh, you’re strong,” he said afterward.

“Is strong bad?”

“No, no. Not at all. Strong’s good.”

But the time after he noticed that she didn’t grip him so hard. She didn’t much like him playing with her breasts, either. No, that was unfair. She didn’t seem to mind if he did or didn’t. Or, rather, if he wanted to, that was fine, but it was for him, not for her. That’s what he understood, anyway. And who said you had to talk about everything right away?