That was the trouble, really, in academia as well. There were women at the top of most scientific disciplines, including hers, none of whom would have any problems being wooed from one major chair to another, writing their own tickets their own way, but they were very few in number because the deck was still stacked. Those women were the geniuses, the intellects who could not be denied. As “attractive” was to “knockout,” so “smart” was to “brilliant.” Intellectually, she knew that the vast majority of people, male or female, could not have attained a doctorate in a field like hers, but it just wasn’t quite enough. Enough to finally teach at a great university, but only as “Instructor in the Physical Sciences”—not just Physics 101, which was bad enough, but, God help her, “Introduction to the Sciences for Humanities Students”—and a lowly assistant on research projects whose grants and control were held by middle-aged male professors.

The shower helped a little, but not much, since it left time for more brooding. Was it the fates that struck her where she was, or was it rather lapses in herself? Was she demanding too much of a guy and maybe too much of herself? With people starving around the world and the working poor standing with their families in soup kitchen lines, did she have any right to complain about a dead-end life if it was such a comfortable, yuppified dead end? Was she being just daddy’s spoiled little girl, in a situation many would envy, depressed because she couldn’t have it all?

A line from one of her undergraduate seminars came to her, fairly or not, and tried to give her some relief from those hard questions. The professor had been a leading feminist and sociologist, and she’d said, “It’s not tough enough being a woman in this day and age, we also have to be saddled with some kind of constant guilt trip, too.”