On Their Elopement

Composed by Jane Harris, Witness

aka Maid of Honor

aka Holly's best friend since first grade and roommate since freshman year at

Parsons School of Design

Dear Holly and Mark,

Surprise!

I know neither one of you would bother to keep a record of your elopement, so I’ve decided to do it for you! This way, when you’re approaching your twentieth anniversary and your oldest kid has just wrecked the Volvo and your youngest has just come home from her cushy Westchester private school with head lice and the dog’s thrown up all over the living room rug and, Holly, you’re asking yourself why you ever moved out of the righteous East Village pad we shared for so long, and, Mark, you’re wishing you’d stayed in resident housing down at St. Vincents, you can open this diary and go, “Oh, so THAT’s why we got married.”

Because you two are the grooviest couple I know, and totally belong together, and I think eloping to Italy is a BRILLIANT idea, even if you did steal it from Kate Mackenzie in Human Resources.

The eloping part, I mean. Not the Italy part.

But she HAD to elope. I mean, with in-laws like hers? What CHOICE did she have?

But you two are doing it for the pure romance of the thing—not because you HAVE to, because both your families are perfectly respectable.

Well, I guess there is that teensy religion thing with your moms.