"He wants to watch your mouth," said another boy.

"Yeah," said a third attendee, one in his twenties, "because that is all he does, right? That’s his job. Watching things. Whereas this line is full of geniuses and software engineers."

"Maybe I’ll hire you to watch my mansion someday, dick-pipe!" someone shouted.

"That’s it! Back of the line!" said Head.

"Maybe I’ll hire you to clean my pool!" said someone else.

"Back of the line! All of you!"

"Can we go in?" Jay asked Craig.

"Knock yourselves out," said Craig.

In minutes they were in a zigzagging line of low curtains, and they slalomed through it, alone; right, left, right, toward a row of tables manned by seated, serious women. Each woman looked like she was someone’s least-favorite aunt. Each woman had something to bestow on Doug and Jay, and the two boys walked in procession and received each of their tokens in turn.

Marjorie gives the Guide to Programming, your companion to the kingdom that awaits.

Wendy grants to each an Official Badge, which Mustn’t Be Lost.

From Ellen comes the Bag of Holding, filled with buttons, key chains, and all manner of promos.

And from Madge, the Book of Coupons. A thirty-dollar value.

Then, part the thin gray curtains and step, if you’re ready, into the Great Hall and taste of all its—

"Jesus," said Doug. "Look."

Almost immediately a girl sauntered by dressed as Femininja — which is to say, in a black bikini with a sword.

"Huh," said Jay.

"My spidey sense is tingling," Doug whispered, and looked over at Jay, who possibly hadn’t heard him. He’d spent an afternoon several weeks ago thinking of funny comic book things to say when girls passed. He had a notebook full of them.

The exhibit space on the ground floor was like three football fields of stands, booths, and tables, behind each of which was something to want, or someone to want, or someone to want to talk to. Directly in front of them now was the original captain’s chair from the set of Gastronauts, a book-brick bunker of manga and imported action figures in packages dashed with Japanese, and Lou Ferrigno.