"Why a cheerleading squad?"

"I dunno…girls like animals."

They chose a path at random past the gift shops and snack stands, and wended their way into the heart of the zoo.

Jay looked at a sign nearby. "‘Capybara,’" he read.

"Too small."

"It’s the world’s largest rodent."

"Good for the capybara. I hope it has a coffee mug that says so. I’m not putting my mouth on it."

They continued down the winding path, peering into the dark, quiet habitats. Doug sang under his breath, "‘What the world…needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just…too little of’—Oh, great. Perfect."

"What?"

"Why can’t I have a good song stuck in my head?"

"My uncle doesn’t like people messing with the radio. He says he has it just how he likes it."

"It’s a terrible song."

Jay shrugged.

"No, seriously," said Doug. "It’s stupid. I mean, love is the only thing that there’s too little of? What about…uh…coal? Or trees?"

"‘Jaguarundi.’"

"What?"

"‘Jaguarundi,’" said Jay, reading a sign. "They’re endangered."

"Right, see?" said Doug. He looked at the sign. "I probably shouldn’t feed on something endangered, right? Plus it’s too small."

"How about the…Bornean bearded pig?"

"No."

"It’s over three hundred pounds," said Jay. "It’ll be okay."

"No. I…" Doug searched for the right words. "I don’t want you to think I…this is going to sound kind of weird, but…"

Jay looked up at him.

"I was hoping for something a little more…sexy," said Doug.

"Sexy?"

"Not actually sexy! Not, like, I’m into animals or anything. Just…it’s bad enough I have to drink from an animal in the first place, you know? There has to be something more…elegant than the whatever bearded pig."