How the hell am I going to fix this?

“Stay with me on the couch, Johnny?” I asked.

“You bet.” Johnny lifted my hand from the finial and led me into the living room. We’d left an end table lamp on, and he sat near it, on one end of my tan corduroy slip-covered couch. Johnny and I had made love there. Once.

This room. This couch. Our first and, so far, only time.

Shortly after the intimacy, I’d been confused and hurt that he might have betrayed me with some women at a gig. He hadn’t, but at the time his supposed unfaithfulness had been such a concern. Not that we’d discussed exclusivity with each other or anything, but it was the kind of thing I expected and thought was understood. Now, infidelity seemed pretty insignificant compared to war.

When he sat, my hand fell away from his. I turned in a slow circle. This space was my sanctuary, filled with all my Arthurian books and posters. Over the mantel was Waterhouse’s painting Ariadne. A very impractical thank-you-for-not-staking-me gift from Menessos. The security system for the valuable artwork was supposed to be installed this Friday.

So many things had changed in such a short amount of time.

“Wanna put your head in my lap?” Johnny asked teasingly.

Some things, like Johnny’s constant innuendos, weren’t likely to ever change.

My exhaustion was reaching complete and the weight of my worries filled the room, threatening to suffocate me. Johnny could probably feel it too. He was trying to ease away the heaviness with humor.

I faced Johnny with a genuine smile. “You wish.”

“I certainly do.”

I gave him a mock scowl.

“Okay, okay.” In one motion, he turned out the lamp and moved the couch pillow onto his lap. “Now?”

I laughed and it felt good. “Now.”

As my feet carried me forward, a silhouette crept across the picture window behind Johnny. It was Menessos taking a sentinel’s position on the porch, but I could feel his presence, feel how he yearned to be the one inside comforting me.