For my Significant Exes

1

‘What an inauspicious start to married life,’Josh comments.

‘Is there such a thing as an auspicious start?’ I ask. He grins at me and Issie scowls. She likes weddings. The rain is falling so hard it’s bouncing off the pavements and up my skirt. I’m bloody cold and wish the bride would stop hugging her mother and simply get in the car. I look closer. Maybe she isn’t so much hugging as clinging. Maybe the seriousness of what she’s done has hit her and she’s having second thoughts. Issie shakes the remnants of confetti from the blue box but misses the bride and groom. The confetti settles on the grubby road. The filthy street is a stark contrast to the finery of their clothes, the car, the flowers, the smiles that radiate.

‘Josh, what’s the proper name for a squashed cube?’ I ask, pointing to the little blue box of confetti. ‘They should redesign this packaging,’ I add.

‘No!’ Issie looks horrified, as if I’d suggested exposing my bikini line to the vicar. ‘Weddings are about tradition.’

‘Even if tradition means tacky and predictable?’ Two big sins in my book.

‘By definition,’ she defends. Then she leaps forward to jostle for a front position to catch the bouquet. She nervously hops from one foot to the other, her sleek, blonde, shoulder-length hair brushing her right shoulder, then her left, then her right again.