And argh… could have bitten my tongue for adding yesterday. The fuck was wrong with me, I was a mine of information, mister extra detail.

‘Yesterday… you had her here YESTERDAY and then brought ME here last night?’

Before she could get into full shout, I snapped her off.

‘Leave it alone… OK… just drink the bloody tea.’

She took a sip, said, ‘It’s too sweet, don’t you have Sweetex.’

‘Hey… hey Lisa, cut me a bit o’ slack… alright?’

‘Are you going to call the Old Bill?’

‘No, I’m going to call the doctor.’

‘Don’t need the doctor.’

‘I sure as hell do.’

He came round in twenty minutes. Today he was wearing a bright green tracksuit that had the logo ‘Charlton’s Arms’, and white Doc Martens. I’d never seen them in white, asked, ‘I thought you only ever wore black ones.’

‘So… I can’t change. Is this what you called me for, to talk footwear?’

Lisa was in the shower, I was in tatters and told him the events. He gave a slow whistle.

‘A raven.’

‘What?’

‘Lunatic… she’s completely ape-shit.’

‘That’s your diagnosis, lucky I called you, else I wouldn’t have known.’

‘Yo Cooper, none of your lip, I didn’t shoot at you but you’re not too big for a flaming good puck in the mouth.’

Doc picked up a piece of paper, scanned it, said, ‘Think this is for you, fella.’

I guess it was meant to accompany the rose, it read:

‘Gotta keep it together

while I’m falling apart’

(Martina McBride)

I didn’t know who the fuck this was, asked, ‘Who the fuck’s this?’

Doc laughed, said, ‘A country and western singer and if I may say so me fein, a real cutie pie.’

I balled it, flicked it across the room, said, ‘Jeez, the whole thing’s like a bad country and western song.’

‘I did some reading on your account last night.’

‘On my account.’

‘Yeah, checked out MacNeice, best if you know who you’re dealing with.’