Probably the most important thing, in settling into a new home, is to establish good relationships with your neighbors. The reason for this is best summarized by the moving words of the famous English poet John Donne, who wrote:

No man is an island unto his own personal self,Each man is more of a subcontinent, So never send to ask for whom the doorbell tolls Because more than likely it is your neighbor Come to see if you have a plumber’s snake he can borrow So he can attempt to unclog the hall toilet Which he suspects his son has flushed His daughter’s Rainbow Brite doll down.

Idealistic? Sure it is, but it still has meaning today. We live in a complex, interconnected society, and sometimes we must call upon our neighbors to help us, to stand by us, to comfort us, or at very least to try not to back their recreational vehicle into our jacuzzi. So as soon as you get to your new home, you want to Reach Out. You want to march right next door, put on your very nicest smile, ring the doorbell, and ...

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Well! It looks as though your new neighbors have a doggy! A very alert doggy! A doggy with jaws the size of an important geological formation! In the background, you dimly perceive shapes that might be your new neighbors.

“Hi!” you say. “We’re your new ...”

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

“BE QUIET, LAMONT!!” say your new neighbors. It sounds like there might be several of them.

“Anyway,” you say, “we thought we’d stop by and ...”

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

“DAMMIT, LAMONT!!” say your new neighbors.

“Well, okay!” you say. “Guess we’d better get back and ...”