She was telling me that I had become a mediocrity and may have been one all along. And she had no wish to live with a mediocrity. Not any longer.
Like a real mediocrity, I found nothing better to do than ask her if there was someone else. She simply said no and that in any case, from that moment on, it was no business of mine.
Quite.
This conversation didn’t last long after that, and ten days later I was out of the house.
2
So, I was – politely – given the push, and my life changed. Not for the better either, though I didn’t realize this at once.
On the contrary, for the first few months I had a feeling of relief and, towards Sara, one that almost amounted to gratitude. For the courage that she had shown and I had always lacked.
In short, she had pulled my chestnuts out of the fire, as the saying goes.
I had so often thought that we couldn’t go on in that situation, that I ought to do something. I ought to take the initiative, find a solution, speak out honestly. Do something.
However, being a coward, I had done nothing, apart from grasping whatever clandestine chances had come my way.
Thinking it over, of course, the things she had said that morning stung me badly. She had treated me as a mediocrity and, like a little coward, I had taken it all lying down.
Actually, in the days that followed that Saturday, and in fact when I had already gone to live in my new home, I thought more than once of what I might have answered, just to keep some shred of dignity.
I thought of things such as “I don’t wish to deny my responsibility, but remember that the blame is never all on one side.” Things like that.
Luckily this happened only, as I say, some days later. That Saturday morning I kept my mouth shut and at least avoided making myself ridiculous.