"I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

"Why not?"

"Because if you apologize, there's a real risk that she wouldn't understand what you're apologizing about – remember, to her, it's a perfectly reasonable name – and you might find yourself trying to explain why you thought you were giving offense. And like I told you, the Philippines is like 90 percent Catholic, and not particularly 'liberal' about such things as sex; the girls there are expected to be virgins right up to the time they're married, so your explanation would likely embarrass the hell out of her, if not outright offend her."

Kelly thought that one over for a bit, and said "I see your point.

Better to just let it go this time, and learn from it."

"That's it. And just so you know, we're probably going to run into people with names that cause just the opposite reaction."

"Such as?"

"Such as we meet a girl – though possibly a boy! – called 'Baby'. She, or he, will likely be the youngest child, and that's what they've been called all their life. Doesn't mean anything to them, particularly, but to us it's a different matter: Baby could be a term of denigration or endearment, and you might find yourself having trouble using it without adding the emotional value we Americans would give it."

I watched as she rolled that one around in her mind for a while before asking "So what do I do, then?"

"What I found works for me is to use my emotions as a kind of alarm system – if something hits me that brings up an emotion, I use that as a way to kind of 'flag' it for intellectual processing, rather than just responding to it immediately. If I have trouble saying or doing something because of the way it makes me feel, I stop a moment to examine why – and deal with it then, rather than let it tie me up in knots. If I can't settle it any other way, I just remind myself that it's their country and their rules, not mine, and go from there."