“Arise, Biff. Your time has come.”

The wind whipped into a fury and the angel pulled the sleeve of his robe across his face.

“Arise, Biff, and walk again among the living.”

The whirlwind began to subside, leaving the man-shaped column of dust standing on the hillside. In a moment, the hillside was calm again. The angel pulled a gold vessel from his satchel and poured it over the column. The dust washed away, leaving a muddy, naked man sputtering in the starlight.

“Welcome back to the living,” the angel said.

The man blinked, then held his hand before his eyes as if he expected to see through it.

“I’m alive,” he said in a language he had never heard before.

“Yes,” the angel said.

“What are these sounds, these words?”

“You have been given the gift of tongues.”

“I’ve always had the gift of tongues, ask any girl I’ve known. What are these words?”

“Languages. You’ve been given the gift of languages, as were all the apostles.”

“Then the kingdom has come.”

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Two thousand years ago.”

“You worthless bag of dog shit,” said Levi who was called Biff, as he punched the angel in the mouth. “You’re late.”

The angel picked himself up and gingerly touched his lip. “Nice talk to a messenger of the Lord.”

“It’s a gift,” Biff said.

Part I

The Boy

God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.

VOLTAIRE

Chapter 1

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don’t. Trust me, I was there. I know.

The first time I saw the man who would save the world he was sitting near the central well in Nazareth with a lizard hanging out of his mouth.