"Hell, old scum bag has no sex life herself," said Susie. "She probably doesn't even have a sex. You know, the equipment. Let alone the orientation." Susie liked big words, as well as puns.

Big words were her favorite sport, next to puns, and next to masturbating.

"Onanism," she was saying. "Onanism; onanistic, onanizer, to onone. Is that the verb, Jody? What's the verb? Like to masturbate. To onanize?

Geez, where can I look it up? I've got to find a sex dictionary, Jody.

Where can I find one?"

"You don't need to find one, darling Susie. You could write one. You know ALL the words. You know words I haven't even heard of before."

"Oh, gee, Jody, hey, you flatter me. With a compliment like that, I just might quit school and be a success in life."

Jody studied her friend. "Whatever would you do?" She could see her best friend sitting in an editorial office somewhere, humped over a huge book with a feather for a pen, dipping it in an inkwell and printing words like masturbation and onanism in a delicate script.

Her other hand, of course, would be between her legs. Practicing what she was preaching. "Susie's Words for Secret" she would call it. It would sell like hot cakes. Like pancakes.

"I'd teach," said Susie without hesitation.

"What? I'm afraid to ask. Don't tell me." Jody was shaking with laughter. The boy behind Susie, who had been picking up the used trays, was giving Susie the horns behind her back. Susie didn't notice.

"I'd teach masturbation in a local college," she announced. "Some schools allow you to teach anything you damn well please. Without credentials."

"You certainly have those," Jody said, drinking the last of her milk.

"Well, hey, Jody, I have the words. But you have the techniques. Would you be my assistant? You could spread-eagle in the laboratory… we'd have a three-hour lab once a week. You would be paid well. You wouldn't have to show up for the lectures. I'd have three one-hour lectures per week.