The Defective Detective

It’s amazing how easy it is to get hold of a powerful laxative if you’re motivated enough. And between you and me I was highly motivated.

I’m not entirely sure that was what Dean had in mind when he planned the stag do and in the end he was just collateral damage. I mean it had all started quite amicably. People started arriving at the appointed hour talking loudly on their expensive mobile iTwats rather than to each other. It was before lunch but we were all men of the world so that didn’t matter, we could handle our drink on an empty stomach. Oh yes.

Then the rivalry began. Initially between the old friends and the new friends, not knowing each other, everyone wanted to appear more important, more successful than the rest. No one backing down until Mitch Van Doren (or Mitch VD as he was known at school) rolls up his sleeves to reveal his Rolex, throws a roll of cash onto the table and the conversation is over.

The ponce.

Tells everyone he’s just been promoted. I mean that in itself was laxative-worthy as far as I’m concerned but this wasn’t what triggered my jaunt to the pharmacy down the street.

Okay, maybe it helped.

It didn’t take long, maybe not even as long as it took to drink the first round before the whispering started. In amongst the conversations about the cars and wives and girlfriends. I’d like to say I didn’t join in the conversations by choice but I’d be lying.

And you know when you can just tell people are whispering about you?