DOMMIE AND SEB CARLISLE: English polo players – known as the Heavenly Twins.

WINSTON CHALMERS: A shit-hot American lawyer.

LUCY CHALMERS: His ravishing much younger wife.

DORIS CHOW: A Chinese hooker.

KEVIN COLEY: A petfood billionaire and polo patron of Doggie Dins.

ENID COLEY: His awful wife.

TRACE COLEY: His daughter.

CONCHITA: Bart Alderton's maid.

CAMERON COOK: Director of Programmes at Corinium Television.

JACKIE COSGRAVE: Hippy painter and art lecturer. Also proficient in the art of lechery.

BRAD DILLON: Team manager of the American polo team.

RICKY FRANCE-LYNCH: A nine-goal English polo player, nicknamed El Orgulloso – the proud one – by the other players.

CHESSIE FRANCE-LYNCH: His bored, but exquisitely beautiful, wife.

WILLIAM FRANCE-LYNCH: Their three-year-old son.

HERBERT FRANCE-LYNCH: Ricky's father. A tartar and former nine-goal polo player.

FRANCES: Ricky France-Lynch's head groom.

DINO FERRANTI: American show-jumper. Sales Director of Ferranti's Inc.

BOBBY FERRARO: An American polo player.

COMMANDER 'FATTY': Club Secretary of Rutshire HARRIS: Polo Club.

SIMPSON HASTINGS: A lethal American journalist.

PAUL HEDLEY: A member of the crack South Sussex Pony Club team.

BRIGADIER HUGHIE: Chairman of Rutshire Polo Club and the club bore.

MRS HUGHIE: His wife.