Fleet Street columnist, ghosting Rupert Campbell-Black’s memoirs.

GINGER JOHNSON

Financial Director, Corinium Television. No relation to Beattie.

FREDDIE JONES

A multi-millionaire in electronics.

VALERIE JONES

His wife, a nightmare.

SHARON JONES

His overweight daughter.

DEIRDRE KILPATRICK

A researcher at Corinium Television.

LAVINIA

Patrick O’Hara’s girlfriend.

BILLY LLOYD-FOXE

Sports Presenter, BBC.

JANEY LLOYD-FOXE

An author and national newspaper columnist.

DERMOT MACBRIDE

A playwright and Angry Not-So-Young man.

JOYCE MADDEN

Lord Baddingham’s secretary, Corinium Television.

MRS MAKEPIECE

A ‘treasure’ who cleans for Valerie Jones and Lizzie Vereker.

KEVIN MAKEPIECE

Her son.

TRACEY MAKEPIECE

Her daughter.

SALLY MAPLES

Head of Children’s Programmes, Yorkshire Television.

MIKE MEADOWS

Head of Sport, Corinium Television.

MRS MENZIES-SCOTT

Ex-head of the Women’s Institute, a member of the IBA.

GERALD MIDDLETON

Parliamentary Private Secretary to Rupert Campbell-Black.

DECLAN O’HARA

A television megastar.

MAUD O’HARA

His ex-actress wife.

PATRICK O’HARA

His son, an undergraduate at Trinity Dublin.

AGATHA (TAGGIE)

O’HARA

His elder daughter.

CAITLIN O’HARA

His younger daughter.

ORTRUD

Yet another of the Verekers’ comely nannies.

CYRIL PEACOCK

Lord Baddingham’s PA and sometime Press Officer, Corinium Television.

THE VERY REVEREND

FERGUS PENNEY

An ex-Prebendary of the Church of England, and a member of the IBA.