"So," he said at last. "That leaves only your king. Or do you forget you are sworn as a King's Man?"

"I do not forget," I said quietly. "And did I believe myself a man still, I would go back. But I am not, Burrich. I am a liability. On the game board, I have become but one of those tokens that must be protected. A hostage for the taking, powerless to defend myself or anyone else. No. The last act I can make as a King's Man is to remove myself, before someone else does and injures my king in the doing."

Burrich turned aside from me. He was a silhouette in the dim room, his face unreadable by the firelight. "Tomorrow we will talk," he began.

"Only to say farewell," I interrupted. "My heart is firm on this, Burrich." I reached up to touch the earring in my ear.

"If you stay, then so must I." There was a fierceness in his low voice.

"That isn't how it works," I told him. "Once, my father told you to stay behind, and raise a bastard for him. Now I tell you to leave, to go to serve a King who still needs you."

"FitzChivalry, I don't-"

"Please." I don't know what he heard in my voice. Only that he was suddenly still. "I am so tired. So damnably tired. The only thing I know is that I can't live up to what everyone else thinks I should do. I just can't do it." My voice quavered like an old man's. "No matter what I ought to do. No matter what I am pledged to do. There isn't enough of me left to keep my word. Maybe that's not right, but that's how it is. Everyone else's plans. Everyone else's goals. Never mine. I tried, but ..." The room rocked around me as if someone else were speaking, and I was shocked at what he was saying. But I couldn't deny the truth of his words. "I need to be alone now. To rest," I said simply.

Both of them just looked at me. Neither one of them spoke. They left the room, slowly, as if hoping I would relent and call them back. I did not.