Moving to the Village hasn't seemed like a good idea, either, because it's just not feasible. My apartment's rent-stabilized, which means that it costs me around a third of what it would otherwise. If I gave it up I'd have to pay at least three or four times as much for an equivalent apartment downtown. Or, if my nighttime activities brought me a really big score, I could buy a co-op or condo downtown-and then shell out in monthly maintenance about as much as I pay now for rent.

Besides, I'm used to the place. It's not much, a skimpy one-bedroom with a view of another apartment on the other side of the airshaft, and I've never taken the trouble to improve its furnishings or décor.

Well, wait a minute. That's not entirely true. First thing I did when I moved in was build in bookshelves on either side of the fireplace. (On the rare occasions when I actually have someone over, she invariably asks if the fireplace works. No, I explain, it's retired.) And the second change I made, a few years later, was to construct a hidden compartment at the rear of the bedroom closet. That's where stolen goods go, until I manage to figure out how to unload them. It's also where I keep my Get Out of Dodge kit, which consists of five to ten thousand dollars in cash and a pair of passports, one of them genuine, the other a very decent facsimile.

Plus, of course, the little collection of picks and probes and thingamajigs and whatchamacallits that come under the general heading of burglar's tools. Unless you're a licensed locksmith, the mere possession of such implements is enough to earn you a stretch upstate as the guest of the governor. It's occasionally occurred to me to pick up a locksmith's license, just to keep from getting nailed for possession of burglar's tools, but they'd laugh themselves silly if they saw my name on an application. Or at least I think they would; maybe the people who give out the licenses don't check the names against a master list of convicted burglars. If not then I'd have to say the system's flawed, and wouldn't that be a shock?