“How could I, when you were practically blasting out press releases across the country?”

“I didn’t tell anyone about this,” Henry said.

“You told MasterCard,” Shawn said.

“What did you do?” Henry said, his anger rising even further. “Hack into my credit card account?”

“Shawn wanted me to,” Gus said. “But I told him no. There are layers of security, traps for hackers who try to break in. I heard of one guy in Michigan who thought he could get into-” He saw the look on Henry’s face and stopped himself. “Besides, I said. That would be wrong.”

“Not to mention illegal,” Shawn said. “So we broke into your house and found your last bill. You really do need to use that shredder.”

“I can think of a use for it right now,” Henry said.

“Anyway,” Shawn said, “we’ve come here to save you money and embarrassment.”

“That will be a first,” Henry said.

“Technically it will be two firsts,” Gus said.

“Which is what makes this such an exciting opportunity for you,” Shawn said. “We’re here to give you a chance to relive your glory days. And I mean your real glory days, not the song. Which is not only the worst song on Born in the USA, but the worst song Springsteen ever wrote, and possibly the worst song ever written by anyone in the world besides Diane Warren-”

“Hey,” Gus interrupted, “I warned you about ragging on ‘Unbreak My Heart.’ ”

Shawn ignored him. “-and which I’m sure the Hairless Four, or whatever your band calls itself, is going to do next.”

“The only glory days I’m thinking about are those wonderful ones when I was childless,” Henry said.

“I mean the days when you were important,” Shawn said.

“When you still had a purpose in life and didn’t have to dress up like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance just to make it through another dismal day. I’m offering you a case.”