"Yes, ma'am."

"At least put Neosporin on those cuts," she said, "so you don't get an infection."

"Yes, ma'am."

"The water's down there?" the third lady asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

She turned to the others. "I told you."

"We got lost," the first lady said. "Took the wrong trail."

"Yes, ma'am."

"We were checking the map. I guess we shouldn't have stopped in the middle of the trail."

"No, ma'am."

She shrugged. "Our bad."

She unzipped her waist pack and pulled out a can of Ensure. She held it out to him like a peace offering.

"Homemade Vanilla."

Tres turned away and choked back laughter.

"Thank you, ma'am," Andy said, "but I've got Endurox in my CamelBak."

He reached around and found the rubber tube hanging from the hydration pack. He put the mouthpiece between his teeth and bit down on the bite valve. Nothing came out. The CamelBak must have punctured on the fall-but the three liters of liquid cushion had probably saved him from a serious spinal cord injury.

"Or I did."

"Endurox?" the Ensure lady said. "Does that relieve constipation?"

Tres couldn't hold back now; he buried his face in his hands and howled.

"Constipation?" Andy said. "Well, no, ma'am, it doesn't. At least I don't think so."

"The key to life is fiber. I mix Metamucil with my Ensure every morning. I can set my clock by my morning bowel-"

"Yes, ma'am." He pointed west. "Go back that way, hang a left on the white rock trail, then another left on the dirt path down by the creek. That'll take you to the falls."

"Can we swim naked there?"

"Uh, no, ma'am. Only out at Hippie Hollow on the lake."

The Austin chapter of AARP waved and walked off, chatting like sorority sisters. Tres fell to the ground laughing and started rolling around like a kid practicing a "stop, drop, and roll" fire drill. He said, " 'Does it relieve constipation?' " then howled again.