'Why?'

'Well, we've kept the Patrician waiting, sir, so it'd be good manners to let him know we're late.'

Vimes pulled out his watch and stared at it. It was turning out to be one of those days... the sort that you got every day.

It is in the nature of the universe that the person who always keeps you waiting ten minutes will, on the day you are ten minutes tardy, have been ready ten minutes early and will make a point of not mentioning this.

'Sorry we're late, sir,' said Vimes as they entered the Oblong Office.

'Oh, are you late?' said Lord Vetinari, looking up from his paperwork. 'I really hadn't noticed. Nothing serious, I trust.'

'The Fools' Guild caught fire, sir,' said Carrot.

'Many casualties?'

'No, sir.'

'Well, that is a blessing,' said Lord Vetinari carefully. He put down his pen.

'Now... what do we have to discuss... ?' He pulled another document towards him and read it swiftly.

'Ah... I see that the new traffic division is having the desired effect.' He indicated a large pile of paper. 'I am getting any amount of complaints from the Carters' and Drovers' Guild. Well done. Do pass on my thanks to Sergeant Colon and his team.'

'I will, sir.'

'I see in one day they clamped seventeen carts, ten horses, eighteen oxen and one duck.'

'It was parked illegally, sir.'

'Indeed. However, a strange pattern seems to emerge.'

'Sir?'

'Many of the carters say that they were not in fact parked but had merely halted while an extremely old and extremely ugly lady crossed the road extremely slowly.'

'That's their story, sir.'

'They know she was an old lady by her constant litany on the lines of "Oh deary me, my poor old feet," and similar expressions.'