Endless, endless. Never ever done. That night my mother was going out with her two best friends to celebrate her birthday. I didn’t like it one bit. It sounded like fun. She was off to the Bluebird Diner, a run-down place famous for its roast beef sand­wiches and French fries with gravy. It was only a few hours on her own. It was just a tiny celebration.

I didn’t care.

Maybe my father had been self-centered; maybe I’d inher­ited that from him along with the color of my eyes. I wanted my mother to stay home and braid my hair, which I wore long, to my waist. Loose, my hair knotted when I slept, and I worried; my brother had told me that bats lived in our roof. I was afraid they would fly into my room at night and make a nest in my head. I didn’t want to stay home with my brother, who paid no attention to me and was interested more in science than in human beings. We argued over everything, including the last cookie in the jar, which we often grabbed at the same time.

Let go! You first! Whatever we held often broke in our grasp. Ned had no time for a little sister’s whims; he had to be bribed into reading to me.

I’ll do your chores. I’ll give you my lunch money. Just read.

My mother didn’t listen to my complaints. She was preoc­cupied. She was in a rush. She put on her raincoat and a blue scarf. Her hair was pale. She’d cut it herself, straining to see the back of her head in the mirror. She couldn’t afford a real haircut at a salon; still she was pretty. We didn’t talk about being poor; we never discussed what we didn’t have. We ate macaroni three times a week and wore heavy sweaters to bed; we made do. Did I realize that night was my mother’s thirtieth birthday, that she was young and beautiful and happy for once? To me, she was my mother. Nothing less or more. Nothing that didn’t include me.