Chon does.

It’s an age-old debate, not to be rehashed here, but basically Ben believes that to answer violence with violence only begets more violence, while Chon believes that to answer violence with nonviolence only begets more violence, his evidence being the entire history of humanity.

Oddly enough, they both believe in karma-what goes around comes around-except with Chon it comes around in a freaking hurry and usually with ill intent.

What Chon calls “microwave karma.”

Together, Ben and Chon make up a collective pacifist.

Ben is the paci

Chon is the fist.

Rule of life Okay, more of a strong suggestion If you absolutely have to be an asshole?

Make yourself a little hard to find.

Go do your assholian bullshit and then lock yourself in your mother’s basement and put a towel over the Xbox to block the light, but don’t — beat someone up and then go surfing in your usual spot.

Just don’t do it, asshole.

First of all, try not being a dick for a change and see how that works out, but in any case don’t park your van where you usually stick the piece of shit while you’re out for one of your “sessions,” bra, because someone like Chon or, in this case, Chon might take a baseball bat to it.

Chon smashes out the headlights, the taillights, the windshield, and all the windows (baseball in the Steroid Era), then leans on the horn until Brian and his three buddies madly paddle in like “natives” in one of those old Tarzan movies.

Brian, who is a big freaking dude, comes out of the water first, screaming, “Dude, what the fuck?!”

Chon slides out of the car, drops the bat, and asks, “Are you Brian?”

“Yeah.”