Another factor did come into operation after I soldthis story. It is a subtle phenomenon which can only beexperienced. I suddenly felt like a writer. "Confidence"is a cheap word for it, but I can't think of a better one.That seems the next phase in toughening one's writing—a kind of cockiness, an "I've done it before" attitude. Thisfeeling seems to feed something back into the act of composition itself, providing more than simple assurance. Actualchanges in approach, structure, style, tone, began to occurfor me almost of their own accord. Noting this, I beganto do it intentionally. I made a list of all the things Iwanted to know how to handle and began writing theminto my stories. This is because I felt that when youreach a certain point as a writer, there are two ways youcan go. Having achieved an acceptable level of competence you can keep producing at that level for the restof your life, quite possibly doing some very good work.Or you can keep trying to identify your weaknesses, andthen do something about them. Either way, you shouldgrow as a writer—but Ihe second way is a bit moredifficult, because it is always easier to write around aweakness than to work with it, work from it, work throughit. It takes longer, if nothing else. And you may fall onyour face. But you might learn something you would nothave known otherwise and be better as a result.
These are the things I learned, or fancy I learned, from"Passion Play" and its aftereffects. I do have one otherthing to say, though, which came to me slowly, much