The train left at 12:05 p.m. Even though I had gone to Grand Central, bought a ticket and boarded the train, I still had no idea what I was doing running away to Archers Rest, and to my grandmother. What was it going to solve?

I could have stayed home, pulled the covers over my head and pretended it was a nightmare. My face was red, with the remnants of yesterday's makeup still visible. My eyes were so puffy they could barely open. My long hair, which yesterday had been neatly pulled back, was now ratty. I hadn't showered, washed my face or brushed my teeth. I looked like the sort of woman that any man with the slightest amount of common sense would leave. And yet, even looking the way I did, I knew I had to get on the train and go to the prickly comfort of my straight-talking grandmother.

As the train moved north, I tried to hide by slouching down in my seat and staring out the window, but it didn't matter. I didn't see the streets of Harlem passing by outside my window. Instead there was a horrible movie playing in my head, over and over, and I couldn't make it stop.

Ryan and I met two years ago, on my first day at Garvey Publishing. We waited for the elevator together in the lobby of the building.I noticed him immediately. He was tall with neatly cut brown hair and deep brown eyes. He seemed sure of himself, without being cocky. When the elevator arrived, he waved me on first and we smiled politely to each other. He had a lovely smile, wide and sincere and welcoming. I was attracted to him the minute I saw him, but I played it cool. I stared at the elevator buttons and tried to think of something to say. But he talked first.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Thirty-fifth floor… doing layouts."

"Do you work with Amanda?"