All my loud cries dwindled into gentle sighs, and in spite of my inward rage and grief, I could not resist; wanting strength for self-defence, I could only bewail my situation. I told you he had me on his knees, with one of his arms round my neck. Finding how little I resisted, and having me thus with our lips closely joined, his other hand he suddenly thrust under my petticoats. Incensed by this vital insult, I strove to break from his arms, but it was of no use. He held me firm, my cries and reproaches he heeded not! If by my struggles I contrived to free my lips, they were quickly regained again; thus with his hand and his lips he kept me in the greatest disorder, whilst in proportion as it increased I felt my fury and strength diminish. At last a dizzy sensation seized on every sense. I felt his hand rapidly divide my thighs, and quickly one of his fingers penetrated that place which, God knows, no male hand had ever before touched. If anything was wanting to complete my confusion, it was the thrilling sensation I felt, caused by the touches of his finger.

What a dreadful moment was this for my virtue! with all the highest notions of the charms of that dear innocence which I was doomed to be so soon deprived of, dreading even in my soul's disorder nothing so much as losing it, how strange then it was that pleasure should not be overcome by such fears. Why did they not instantly snatch me from the pleasure? I wished some help would come to save me from the danger, but I no sooner formed the wish than a kiss and his finger created a contrary emotion, and each following kiss grew more and more pleasing, till at last I almost wished nothing might oppose my absolute defeat In blushing at what I felt, I blush to write, I longed to feel more. Without an idea what that which I panted for could be, I eagerly awaited the instruction, until the impetuous ardour began to be too powerful for the senses.