Basically, if you really want me to break it down, I’m what you might call a certified freakologist. A term I use for peeps like me who specialize in freaking a man any way the wind blows until he slumps over. I’m also a skilled dicktologist who’s dedicated to the fucking, sucking, and licking of fat, black dick. Yep, that’s me. Okay, all right already. I’ll say it for you…I’m a dick-loving ho. You already know. And? But don’t get it twisted. I’m a responsible one. Hell, my motto is: If you’re gonna fuck, be responsible. Wrap up and enjoy the damn ride!

And when it comes to fucking men, I have very few rules and restrictions. Don’t be fat, nasty, and crusty. And in case someone is confused about what’s fat to me: if you need a bumper jack or a two-by-four to lift up your gut, then dammit, you fat. If you look down and you can’t see your dick or your toes, then, duh, fat. If you have more belly than dick, duh, fat! So buy a vowel, get a clue, and get your sloppy ass on a diet before trying to get at me.

In addition, a man must have all of his teeth (that does not mean having a bunch of brown, yellow, or rotted ones either, or a row of gold or platinum fronts). He must wash his ass daily (there’s nothing worse than sucking on a man’s dick, then pulling up his balls and getting a whiff of ass funk. Ugh!). He also must be drug and disease free (that means no crack, no coke, no 420/weed/trees/collard greens, no dope/smack, no poppers, no damn pills, and nothing that I can catch). He must be circumcised (a must! I have no time for pulling back dick skin. That is an absolute no-no), and don’t be busted in the face. I don’t want anyone staring in my face hurting my eyes, or making my stomach turn. You don’t have to be model-fine, but please, please, don’t look like a damn manatee or a gorilla either.