I recalled that I had seen those selfsame colours before, being carried to victory at a spring meeting at Newmarket. Dr White, my old headmaster, had taken a party of the senior boys for a day at the races. It was of course part of his philosophy of education that his pupils should be introduced to adult pleasures whilst still under his wise and understanding eye, rather than be left to find out about such things after they had left school. 'There is more to life, Andrew, then Latin Irregular Verbs,' I remember him saying. 'Not that a sound grounding in the Classics is unimportant.' That day had indeed been memorable. Not only had I backed two winners, one a promising two-year-old owned by that same Lord M-whose colours now adorned what I assumed was a replica of his thoroughbred prick-surely this must be the only dildo registered with the Jockey Club-but also because I had had the opportunity to mount a lively young filly alongside one of the Newmarket Heath gallops shortly after the last race. 'However,'

Hannah went on, 'now that we have got it just about right we have every hope of further orders, since Lord M-is well known for distributing his favours widely.' 'But what is that?' I asked, pointing to a fine specimen that appeared to have a signature running along its full length. Hannah lifted it from its velvet nest. 'A present,' she said, 'from a foreign gentleman recently in these parts who has had to return to the Continent. He ordered it as a memento of his visit, to be delivered to a Lady of Quality with whom he has spent a most satisfying two weeks. See -' She handed it to me. 'Count Johann Gewirtz,' I said slowly, finding it somewhat difficult to decipher the writing. 'A facsimile of his signature,' said Hannah.

'Look, on the other side-' 'The Gobbling Galician,' I read. 'I have a feeling that I have heard that name before. May I ask who is to be the recipient of this unusual device?' 'No,' said Hannah. 'As I have said, discretion is all if we are to continue to enjoy the trust of our customers. I shouldn't really have shown you in here.'