My admission definitely caused a reaction in the crowd. They tittered and shuffled in their seats, turning to grin and whisper at each other. I returned their mirth with a glacial stare. How dare they laugh at me!

One smirking fellow called out, “Gee, I’m so scared. Please don’t eat me.” He laughed at his own weak joke. I didn’t. And the man-courting a death measured in heartbeats-decided to further his comedic career. “So, did you get your teeth filed at the same dentist as that other vampire charlatan?” Guffaws and high fives met his mediocre humor. I still wasn’t amused.

I knew of the fake vampire he spoke of. He and the other charlatans of my kind would be dealt with. “I assure you that everything about me is real.” And the real me truly wanted rip his head off. The fact I couldn’t pissed me off, especially when I heard the jokes they bandied about with raucous laughter.

I had a joke for them. What do you call a human who mocks a vampire? Dinner.

My nails elongated and dug into the wood of the podium creating deep gouges. My eyes bled black, I couldn’t stop them as my ire grew, feeding my dark side. A few of the reporters squirmed under my gaze and went silent, but others met my eyes and instead of the flinching I’d grown accustomed to, roared louder.

My face tightened and I pursed my lips. Don’t get mad. Don’t get mad. They’re just stupid sheep. But for someone as old and powerful as I, disrespect wasn’t something tolerated, from anyone.

“I don’t usually give warnings but in this case, given what I’m trying to accomplish, I will. Cease this laughter before I make you all-” I paused seeking something suitably nasty without being harmful-I was well aware of the cameras trained on me, just waiting for a misstep they could broadcast to millions. “Um, if you don’t listen, I’ll make you cluck like chickens.”