And the shelves exploded. It seemed to him to happen in slow motion, bits ofpottery and statues spreading out as they drifted towards him. He went overbackwards and the expanding cloud passing overhead crashed into the shelves onthe other side of the room, which were demolished.

Scattering lay on the floor in the dark, unable to move, expecting at anymoment to be torn apart by the phantoms bubbling up from his imagination…

The day staff found him there in the morning, deeply asleep and covered indust. They listened to his garbled explanation, treated him kindly, and agreedthat a different career might suit his temperament. They wondered for a whileabout what he had been up to, night watchmen being rather puzzling people atthe best of times, but put it out of their heads… because of the find.

Mr Scattering then got a job in a pet shop in Pellicool Steps, but left afterthree days because the way the kittens stared at him gave him nightmares. Theworld can be very cruel to some people. But he never told anyone about thegloriously glittering lady holding a large ball over her head who smiled at himbefore she vanished. He did not want people to think he was strange.

But perhaps it is time to talk about beds.

Lectrology, the study of the bed and its associated surroundings, can beextremely useful and tell you a great deal about the owner, even if it’s onlythat they are a very knowing and savvy installations artist.

The bed of Archchancellor Ridcully of Unseen University, for example, is at thevery least a bed and a half, being an eight-poster. It encompasses a smalllibrary and a bar, and artfully includes a shut-away privy, of mahogany andbrass throughout, to save those long cold nocturnal excursions with theirconcomitant risk of tripping over slippers, empty bottles, shoes and all theother barriers presented to a man in the dark who is praying that the nextthing that stubs his toe will be porcelain, or at least easy to clean.