She could and said:

‘Patricia Andrews, but my friends call me Trish.’

This was much as Falls expected: stupidity and confidence, the worst combination there is. In jig time, of course, she’d be called Julie and every wag in the station would whistle ‘The Sound of Music’ at least once as she passed. Falls brushed past her, said:

‘Let’s get to the most important part of policing.’

Andrews was near gushing, went:

‘We’re going to get our assignment?’

‘No, we’re going to get tea.’

Falls led the way, a disappointed Andrews trailing behind. The canteen was full of uniformed officers who all turned to gawk at the new girl. Falls said:

‘You’ll need to know two things — the tea lady is named Gladys and the morons here call tea “a Sid Vicious” because in the movie Sid and Nancy, Gary Oldman tells his record exec to get a tea with two sugars and adds “Yah cunt”.’

Andrews didn’t understand this at all and Falls wasn’t sure she did either. Falls took a table and Andrews asked:

‘So do I ask Gladys for a Sid Vicious?’

‘No, you ask for two teas and a Club Milk.’

Andrews lightened and asked:

‘Oh, can I have a Club Milk too?’

‘It’s not for us, it’s for Brant.’

As Andrews approached the counter she glanced back at Falls and that’s when the bomb went off.

10

It was a small blast, only damaging the counter and Gladys’ nerves. But there was consternation in the canteen and men rushing for the exit. Brant appeared and moved quickly to the area, pulled Andrews clear, said:

‘Get the fuck out, there might be a second.’

The station was evacuated and the Bomb Squad arrived, as did the press. Cops were piled three lines deep outside and within a half-hour, the all-clear was given and the canteen sealed off for Forensics. A mobile catering van was ordered as the cops couldn’t — wouldn’t — work without a steady stream of tea. Andrews, her uniform covered in dust, was highly excited and blabbering like an idiot till Falls, exasperated, slapped her face, said: