I DON’T KNOW what got into me because it’s totally against policy to give the straight scoop to civilians, but Judy insisted on making me a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of chili-the aliens hadn’t quite eaten every scrap of food in the place-and before I knew it I’d told her just about the whole story.

How I was an Alien Hunter and my parents, Graff and Atrelda (bless their weird-named souls), had been Alien Hunters and how their mission was to protect nice folks from the thousands of aliens who wanted to take advantage of, plunder, pillage, and sometimes plain-out destroy places like this.

“Places like this?” Judy smiled wryly, not taking me seriously. “You can hardly blame them for wanting to plain-out destroy Holliswood. I mean, this place is nothing but a prefab smear of parking lots, giant superstores, drive-through banks, twenty-garage automotive franchises, and chain restaurants. And mean girls, dumb jocks, and people who get their news from those scrolly things running across the bottom of their favorite stupid TV show-while running on the treadmill at the gym.”

I couldn’t help but admire her astute observational skills. Not to mention her honesty, directness… and, okay, cuteness.

“Well, people can’t be all that bad here. You’re a girl… and you’re not mean.”

Good one, Daniel. Wish I had Joe’s gift of gab. In lieu of that, I kept rambling.

I told her how one of the alien baddies, the worst of the worst, had killed my parents when I was just three, and how I’d barely escaped with my life and-almost as important-The List.

Judy stopped smiling. “Don’t joke about your parents being murdered,” she said.

“I wouldn’t joke about that,” I said, wondering if I’d gone too far.

Her eyes were penetrating mine. “And… The List is…?”

There was no stopping the power of Judy’s blue eyes, so I spilled all the rest: how The List was, in full, called The List of Alien Outlaws on Terra Firma, and how it was an interactive, constantly self-updating summary of all the ill-intended Outer Ones now residing on the planet, ranked from number one to somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, from most dangerous to those that are barely stronger than a human.