I took a deep breath and thought about the truth; what was the truth? You are one of the best friends I have, Jason, and you shouldnt be alone tonight.

Jean-Claude would let me sleep with him.

But you wouldnt let him hold you while you feel miserable.

How do you know I wouldnt?

Call it a hunch.

He stood frozen in the doorway as if he couldnt decide, or as if part of him wanted to and part of him didnt. Id made him come to me to hold his hand. Now I went to him.

I wrapped my arms around him. He stayed stiff and unyielding. I pressed my head to his shoulder. Stay with us tonight, Jason, please.

He whispered against my hair, Why?

Because you want to.

Not good enough, he whispered.

Because I can feel how much it would hurt Nathaniel to see you leave tonight, and know that you didnt have anyone to hold you while you slept.

Its not sleep I want, Anita. Im afraid to sleep. Im afraid Ill dream. Last night wasbad.

I lifted my face up to look at him. You found all this out last night?

He nodded.

Bad dreams? I made it a question.

The worst; something about the news about my dad just raked a lot of shit up.

Nathaniels need pushed at me, almost staggering in his desire to have Jason stay. I tried to shield against him, but realized that one of the reasons I couldnt shield was that I agreed with him. A large part of me felt Jason should stay. Nathaniel was right; Jason was already on my list of lovers. Why was it wrong for me to admit that it was fun to sleep with Jason? Why was it always wrong for me to admit that I simply wanted to be with someone? Not because I had no choice, but because for once, I did?

He kissed my forehead. Ill go home.

I hugged him tighter, kept him in the doorway. It would be lovely if you stayed.

He looked startled. You sound like you mean that.

I nodded. I do.

He smiled, and it was a shadow of his usual one. Somewhere in there did you actually say please?