It wasn’t worth

all the guilt,

I know that much.

Besides, once he got past

the feeling-up part,

it was mostly pain.

Why do all those

stupid songs say

the first time

is the best?

What would Seth say?

I’m not ready to tell her, yet.

Not ready to see the look in her eye,

the one that says

What happened to the promise

you made to God?

I wish it was easier

breaking God’s law.

I wish that commitment band

didn’t burn my finger

like lye.

I snatched it off that night,

opened my bedroom window

and tossed it.

If Mom asks where it’s gone,

I’ll say I lost it.

What’s one more lie?

I already told God

I didn’t mean it,

that I hadn’t planned

to give myself away.

But just between me and you,

that’s only half true.

My mind’s a mess.

Wasn’t it yesterday

I looked for Trey around

every corner, down every hall?

Now, for the last three days

all I do

is duck whenever

he comes into view.

I need time to think,

to figure out

what I’m feeling

and why.

I switch on the computer

Mom worked overtime

to pay for,

check my IM

and click on slickwillow,

the screenname Coach

gave my best friend, Sethany,

‘cause she’s tall and willowy,

and the enemy always

counts her out,

thinking she’s a girly-girl.

But once she hits the court,

look out,

‘cause she’s a slammer,

and God help the girl