I want to warn Alice’s teacher before she meets my daughter herself. Quite simply, things are not going to be easy. So let her pay attention to a number of completely truthful accounts of my daughter’s experiences and adventures in various places of the Earth and space over the last three years.
On the Dialing of Random Numbers
Alice would not go to sleep. It was ten O’clock already and she would not go to sleep. I said:
“Alice, you must go to sleep now, or else I….”
“Or else what, papa?”
“Or else I shall call Baba Yaga.”
“And who is Baba Yaga?”
“Hmm… That is something all children have to learn. Baba Yaga is the Wicked Witch of the North! She lives in a giant castle on stilts made out of chicken leg bones. She’s an evil old woman who eats small children… Disobedient small children…”
“Why?”
“Well, because she’s evil and hungry!”
“But why is she hungry?”
“Because there are no stores nearby, and no food service to her castle.”
“Why not?”
“Because the castle is too old and it’s too far away in the forest.”
Alice had become so interested she even sat up in bed.
“Does she work in the nature preserve?”
“Alice, go to sleep immediately!”
“But you promised to call Baba Yaga! Please, papa, please call Baba Yaga!”
“I will call her. But you will be very sorry that I did!”