On top of that, she had also become a very good friend.

“Rowan?” she repeated, somewhat louder than before.

The tone of her voice, rather than the volume, managed to prod me back from the edge of introspection, and I gave her an apologetic glance. “Sorry…it’s all just a little intense.”

“I understand,” she replied. “Take your time.”

“It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“All right then…is this the point in the nightmare when you wake up?”

“No,” I answered, staring at the ash on the end of the cigar hooked beneath my index finger. I consciously tucked the double Maduro roll of tobacco into the corner of my mouth and slowly drew, only to discover that it had gone out.

“Please continue,” Helen urged. “If you are ready to do so, that is.”

I let out a heavy sigh. Truth be told, I wasn’t really fine, and I was far from ready. Moreover, I definitely wasn’t excited about revisiting this terror, but I was already right in the middle of the tale, so it was a little late to turn back. Besides, this was the whole reason I had come to her to begin with, so holding it all inside was the last thing I needed to do.

“So…anyway…I try to force the feeling away,” I continued, hesitantly at first. After a deep breath I made myself dive straight into the rest of the story. “So, I try, but I’m too weak, apparently, even to do that. I feel myself heave, but it’s not like I double over. I’m lying on my back, and I kind of just jerk in place because I can’t really move. I’m restrained somehow. Anyway, nothing comes up, except bile. I guess that’s what it is because I feel a burning in my throat, and then I start to gag.

“At this point I start to notice that all of my muscles are pretty much screaming. It’s like I’m stretched beyond my limits, and now they’re all starting to cramp. I know that if I can just get up and move it will stop. But, like I said, I’m restrained and I can’t. It’s at that moment of realization that I always hear them. And then, the panic just starts all over again.”