‘You will never understand,’ he said finally. ‘Not until you do it yourself.’

‘You mean you have no regrets? Was it really worth it?’

Nagel looked out the window, his cold hands clasping the hot cup.

Black and silver. Blinding light and blind shadows. Sharp contrasts. The world of sharp contrasts, the world of opposites, the world of life and death. The world of mortals. His world.

The familiar delicious smell wafted dreamily upwards.

How do you explain the smell of freshly brewed tea? How do you explain the delight of a bright winter morning after a dark snowy night? How do you explain the ecstasy of making love, the agony of losing a child and the myriad of other things, big and small, joyful and painful?

How do you explain what it’s like to be human?

‘Was it really worth it?’ He turned to look directly at his cloudy companion. ‘Yes, it was. It was worth every drop of sweat, it was worth every tear and every effort. It’s just life, and in life every moment of joy is worth a lot of pain. One doesn’t exist without the other. One can’t possibly exist without the other.

‘I’m not saying that we have to pay for happiness with suffering, but the harder we suffer, the happier we can be... Only it’s not something that can be explained in words. To understand life, one has to live it. That’s why you’ll never understand.’

‘Is that so? Aren’t you just being defensive and trying to convince yourself? Can it be that now you have finally realised that you’ve paid a lot for nothing? Have you finally realised that life is all pain and no gain, and besides, it’s about to end?’

Nagel, a strange twinkle in his eyes, looked at the swirling fog in the bar stool. He drank the rest of his tea, put the empty cup down and leisurely poured it full again.

‘Only an empty cup can be filled. And a full cup must be emptied. That’s all there is to it, really.’