MISS SMALLWOOD

Secretary, Cotchester Music Club.

STEVE SMITHSON

Second Bassoon of the RSO and representative of the Musicians’ Union. Muscular right arm from throwing the book at people.

DAME EDITH SPINK

A distinguished composer and Musical Director of the Cotchester Chamber Orchestra.

TOMMY STAINFORTH

Principal Percussion of the RSO.

MRS DICK STANDISH

A skittish sponsor’s wife.

DENNIS STRICKLAND

Principal Viola of the RSO, known as ‘El Creepo’.

BILL THACKERY

Second Desk, First Violin of the RSO. Better at cricket than the violin. Jolly good sort.

JAMES VEREKER

A television presenter.

WALTER

A benevolent bass.

SERENA WESTWARD

Head of Artists and Repertoire at Megagram Records.

CLAUDE ‘CHERUB’ WILSON

Third Percussion of the RSO. Very dumb blond and orchestra mascot.

XAVIER

A Colombian orphan.

THE ANIMALS

BOGOTÁ

A black labrador puppy.

JOHN DRUMMOND

Miss Priddock’s cat, office mouser to the RSO.

GERTRUDE

Taggie Campbell-Black’s mongrel.

JENNIFER

One of Lady Baddingham’s yellow labradors.

NIMROD

Rupert Campbell-Black’s lurcher.

MR NUGENT

Viking O’Neill’s black collie.

PENSCOMBE PRIDE

Rupert Campbell-Black’s favourite and finest horse.

SHOSTAKOVICH

Rodney Macintosh’s grey Persian cat.

SIBELIUS AND SCRIABIN

Abigail Rosen’s black-and-white kittens. Like magpies, the two of them bring joy.