In primitive times, having a baby was very inexpensive. When women were ready to give birth, they simply went off and squatted in a field; this cost nothing except for a nominal field-rental charge. Today, of course, the medical profession prefers that you have your baby in a hospital, because only there can doctors, thanks to the many advances in medical equipment and techniques, receive large sums of money.

It is difficult to predict exactly what the doctor’s bill for your pregnancy will be, because every situation is different. If your doctor’s Mercedes-Benz is running well, he may charge you as little as $2,000; if there are complications, such as that he has been hearing a little ticking sound in the transmission lately, then he may be forced to charge you much more. It is a good idea to “shop around” before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don’t be shy! After all, you’re paying for it.

Again, it is very hard to be specific here, largely because I haven’t done any research. In my own case, I estimate that the cost of raising our son, Robert, to age three, which is where he is at the moment, breaks down as follows:

Little metal cars—$13,000

Everything else—$4,000

If we extrapolate this out for the next 18 years, assuming that inflation continues, and that we don’t have a nuclear war, which would pretty much render the point moot, we can conclude that in the long term a child can cost just scads of money. Maybe you should go back and read the section on birth control.