“What?” I said.
“Not you,” Leonard said. “Red on the head! You, kid! Get that goddamn gum off the doorknob. Now.”
The kid sidled over to the knob, peeled off the gum, put it into his mouth, slid back into the chair beside his mother. If he had been a cobra, he’d have spat venom at us. Leonard and I went out.
As Leonard drove, I said, “You got to feel sorry for a kid like that. Raised with those kind of attitudes.”
Leonard didn’t say anything.
“I mean, he’s off to a bad start. He doesn’t know any better. You talkin’ to him like that, that’s a little much, don’t you think?”
“I don’t feel sorry for him,” Leonard said. “I really was going to kick his nasty ass. I’m kinda hopin’ his mama brought him there to be put to sleep, like a sick cat.”
“That’s not very nice,” I said.
“No,” Leonard said. “No, it isn’t.”
3
At the hospital they did some routine tests and put me in a cold room wearing what they referred to as hospital gown, which is pretty ludicrous. There you are sitting in the cold wearing a paper-thin sheet split up the back with your ass hanging out, and they call it a gown. You’d think they thought it ought to go with heels, maybe a nice hairdo and a brooch, a dinner invitation.
Leonard sat in the room with me. He said, “You have the ugliest goddamn ass I’ve ever seen.”
“Well, you’ve seen a few.”
“That’s right, so my opinion is worth something.”
“Not to me. And besides, it’s so bad, why’s the doctor always want to put his finger up it?”
“Probably lost his high school ring last time he poked around in there. I figure he pokes a little deeper, he might find an old boyfriend’s rubber.”
“That’s your game,” I said. “Dig in your ass, reckon they’ll find dog hairs.”