He was diagnosed two years ago and actually is able to work as a salesman for a computer company up here. We just kind of hang out together sometimes. I like him. He’s funny and says the wildest things. He says he is most scared of going blind or getting Kaposi’s Sarcoma which he says will make him look hideous. In lots of ways, he’s a neat guy. He does a lot of things for guys who are sick even though he can be pretty hard on them.

He has a real strong work ethic and tries to live a healthy lifestyle (he says some of these other people have given up and just do whatever they want-I guess I would, too). Even though he’s gay, I couldn’t tell it just by looking at him. I think he feels real ambivalent about his sexuality. Also, he’s kind of religious. I don’t really know him that well, but I’m getting to.

The other guy is “Luke,” and he is sick. Right now he is in the hospital and may not make it much longer. My friend Barbara (the girl who got me interested) is really amazing. She just goes in the hospital room and takes over. She feeds Luke (he hardly eats anything), washes him, even brushes his teeth. I can’t do that. I’m just too squeamish. I guess I’m afraid, too, even though I know I can’t catch AIDS that way.

It really makes me respect what Mom did. I can’t imagine being a nurse! Mom did all that stuff all day long until almost the month she died!

I think something is wrong with me. I’m just too big a baby. Barbara says I’ll get used to it, but I don’t think so. All I’m good for is talking. Maybe I’ll be a lawyer after all!

Mainly, when I visit Luke, I read to him though I don’t know how much he listens. He likes me to read the paper, especially Dave Barry. He sort of goes in and out. Dad, he’s only 27! I can’t imagine how I would cope with knowing I was dying so young and in such a terrible way. Poor Mom. She wasn’t even forty, was she? I know we’ve talked about this some, but didn’t she feel terribly cheated? I know she wanted to see me grow up. You’d think I’d learn a lot from all this, but the only thing I’ve learned is to try to appreciate every moment, no matter how boring it seems. Of course, I don’t!