I was just going to have to let the fixation play itself out. The scary thing is I wasn’t so sure I was ready for the thoughts to end because as long as I feared what may be coming, that meant it hadn’t happened yet. And, just as I had been afraid something would go wrong with the sting operation, another feeling was now making its way up my spine. An unearthly foreboding that made me feel painfully empty, and I couldn’t shake the sensation that the loss of yet another friend was coming far too soon.

With that terrifying premonition also came a sense of panic, backed by utter helplessness. They had both started off as small eddies in the random whitewater currents of my emotions but grew exponentially on the way here, becoming violent undertows in their own right. Now, they were endeavoring to pull me down into the depths of a cold and darkened despair.

I felt something soft press against my palm. I looked away from the panel and over to see Felicity staring at me, a similar mask of fear and guilt evident across her features. I gave her hand a squeeze, trying to reassure her, but was gravely conscious of the fact that I failed in doing so. I was broadcasting my own emotions far more than I wanted to admit, and there was no way for me to soothe her when I couldn’t even comfort myself.

The elevator seemed like it was taking forever to deliver us to our floor. I knew we were moving because I could feel the vibration as we poked along. Just to be sure, I broke my silent gaze away from my wife and looked up. I stared at the numbers over the door, watching them flicker to life then wink back to darkness as the next would illuminate. In my mind they were advancing nowhere near quickly enough. Of course, I’m sure the futile exercise of willing them to go faster was only contributing to my ever-increasing agitation.

Finally, after the less than one-minute upward trip folded itself into feeling like ten, the car ceased moving.