Therapist: Yes; I understand that you know her pretty well, and what I'm trying to understand is how you communicate with her. Can you tell me how, specifically, you sensed just now that she was depending on you?

Dave: Sure; see the way that she's looking at me — that's how I know she's depending on me.

Words carry meanings. We need to understand that these words are idiosyncratic to the person using them, and there is no guarantee that the same meaning will be understood by the other person. So checking out is always necessary.

When each of us uses our language system to describe our experience, we select certain words to carry the meaning to the listener. For example, we use nouns to describe certain parts of our experience. As we mentioned previously, when we use nouns which have no referential index relative to a specific part of the listener's experience, we fail to communicate with as much clarity as is possible. Similarly, when we (albeit, unconsciously) select verbs to describe the processes or relationships which we experience, we have choices about how specific we will be, and, consequently, how clear our communication will be. For example, if I select the verb kiss to describe a process in my experience, I convey more information than if I select the verb touch, although both are accurate descriptions of my experience.

I kissed Judith contrasted with I touched Judith

The verb kiss conveys all of the meaning which the verb touch carries, with the additional specification that I touched Judith with my lips. In other words,

kiss = touch with lips

We can say, then, that the verb kiss (relative to the verb touch) is more specified; it gives the listener more information about the process being described. The verb kiss could, of course, be further particularized by specifying where the lips touched the person being kissed. This process we call specifying verbs.