“Yo, what’s good?” I ask all cool, calm and collected.

“Yo, what’s good?!? Motherfucker, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GODDAMN CAR?! I’ve been calling you all motherfucking day and night. You got me running around all over town looking for your black ass, calling hospitals ’n shit, thinking your goddamn ass was somewhere dead. And you got the fucking nerve to call here all nonchalant like shit’s good. Nigga, you really fucked up! You knew I had to go to fucking work yesterday. You lucky I didn’t call the police on ya black ass. That was a real bullshit-ass stunt you pulled, nigga. But trust and believe. You will never get your ass behind my motherfucking steering wheel again.”

“Aye, yo, what the fuck? Why the hell you spazzin’ ’n shit?

“Nigga, I’m spazzin’ ’cause you had my goddamn, motherfucking car out all fucking night. And didn’t even have the motherfucking decency to call me or answer your goddamn phone.”

I sigh. “You know I was gonna bring ya shit back to you, so why the fuck you actin’ like I was tryna house you for it?”

“Motherfucker, you was supposed to bring me my shit back yesterday afternoon, not the next MOTHERFUCKING morning! And why didn’t you answer your goddamn phone?”

I frown. “Aye, yo, don’t fuckin’ question me. I didn’t answer it, ’cause I didn’t fuckin’ want to—”

“Nigga, I know you not tryna get cocky. I’ll question you all the fuck I want when you out with my goddamn car, all fucking night. Bitch-ass nigga, you done bumped your motherfucking head, talking that ‘don’t question me’ bullshit. You got the wrong one.”

And this is exactly why I ain’t beat for bein’ in no relationship, especially wit’ no loud, mouthy-ass bitch. I sigh, takin’ a long, deep pull from my blunt, then blowin’ it out. This ugly bitch actin’ like I put a gun to her skull, then strong-armed her for her keys. No. What a nigga did was slam this dick up in her guts, stick a finger in her asshole and suck all over them big-ass titties of hers. And when I was done, she practically tossed them muthafuckas at me.