Vimes grunted. ‘Where there are policemen there’s crime, sergeant, remember that.’

‘Yes, I do, sir, although I think it sounds better with a little reordering of the words.’

‘I suppose there’s no chance at all that I’ll be let off?’

Sergeant Littlebottom looked concerned. ‘I’m sorry, sir, I think there’s no appeal. Officially Captain Carrot will relieve you of your badge at noon.’

Vimes thumped his desk and exploded. ‘I don’t deserve this treatment after a lifetime of dedication to the city!’

‘Commander, if I may say so, you deserve a lot more.’

Vimes leaned back in his chair and groaned. ‘You too, Cheery?’

‘I really am very sorry, sir. I know this is hard for you.’

‘To be forced out after all this time! I begged, you know, and that doesn’t come easy to a man like me, you can be sure. Begged!’

There was a sound of footsteps on the stairs. Cheery watched as Vimes pulled a brown envelope out of his desk drawer, inserted something into it, licked it ferociously, sealed it with a spit and dropped it on his desk, where it clanged. ‘There,’ he said, through gritted teeth. ‘My badge, just like Vetinari ordered. I put it down. It won’t be said they took it off me!’

Captain Carrot stepped into the office, ducking briefly as he came through the door. He had a package in his hand and several grinning coppers were clustered behind him.

‘Sorry about this, sir, higher authority and all that. If it’s any help I think you’ve been lucky to be let off with two weeks. She was originally talking about a month.’

He handed Vimes the package and coughed. ‘Me and the lads had a bit of a whip-round, commander,’ he said with a forced grin.

‘I prefer something sensible like Chief Constable,’ said Vimes, grabbing the package. ‘Do you know, I reckoned that if I let them give me enough titles I’d eventually get one I could live with.’