Your body is like a superbly engineered luxury automobile: if you use it wisely an maintain it properly, it will eventually break down, most likely in a bad neighborhood. To understand why this is, let’s take a look inside this fascinating “machine” we call the human body.

Your body is actually made up of billions and billions of tiny cells, called “cells,” which are so small that you cannot see them. Neither can I. The only people who can see them are white-coated geeks called “biologists.” These are the people who wrote your high-school biology textbooks, in which they claimed to have found all these organs inside the Frog, the Worm, and the Perch. Remember? And remember how, in Biology Lab, you were supposed to take an actual dead frog apart and locate the heart, the liver, etc., as depicted in the elaborate color diagrams in the textbook?

Of course, when you cut it open, all you ever found was frog glop, because that is what frogs contain, as has been proven in countless experiments performed by small boys with sticks. So you did what biology students have always done: you pretended you were finding all these organs in there, and you copied the diagram out of the book, knowing full well that in real life a frog would have no use whatsoever for a liver.

Anyway, biologists tell us that the human body consists of billions of these tiny cells, which combine to form organs such as the heart, the kidney, the eyeball, the funny bone, the clavichord, the pustule, and the hernia, which in turn combine to form the body, which in turn combines with other bodies to form the squadron. Now let’s take a closer look at the various fitness-related organs and see if we can’t think of things to say about them.