Then he pointed me at the rule book that explained how all officers above OC2 rank are required to either keep a classified journal or to periodically update their memoirs, which would be stored under lock and key-automatically classified under the various keywords they’d been cleared for during the time period covered-the books to be opened only in event of their author’s death, retirement, or permanent disablement in the line of duty.

You know something? I hate writing. I keep having to distract myself, hence all the little jokes. It’s actually not as if the job is all that funny, when you get down to it. Especially as I have to write everything either in longhand or on a 1962 Triumph Adler 66 manual typewriter, and burn the ribbons and carbon papers afterwards in the Security Office incinerator in front of two witnesses with high security clearances. I’m not allowed to use rubber bands or paper clips to hold the papers together (although string and, ye horrors, traditional red sealing wax-and don’t get me started on how difficult it is to melt the stuff in a smoke-free building with fire detectors in every office-is permitted). My fingers are hardwired for the Emacs programmers’ editor and a laptop; this historic office reenactment stuff gets old real fast. But I digress.

This is the story of how I lost my atheism, and why I wish I could regain it. This is the story of the people who lost their lives in an alien desert bathed by the hideous radiance of a dead sun, and the love that was lost and the terror that wakes me up in a cold sweat about once a week, clawing at the sheets with cramping fingers and drool on my chin. It’s why Mo and I aren’t living together right now, why my right arm doesn’t work properly, and I’m toiling late into the night, trying to bury the smoking wreckage of my life beneath a heap of work.

It’s the story of what happened to the Fuller Memorandum, and the beginning of the end of the world.