In honour of my forthcoming tryst with Lord Philip Pelham and the two chorus girls, I lathered my face with Roger amp; Gallet Heliotrope Shaving Cream and carefully scraped away the facial hair from my top lip with my new Wilkinson's Safety Razor Even though moustaches are again coming back into fashion, both Teddy Carmichael and myself prefer to keep a clean shaven face. On the other hand, Phil Pelham insists that girls enjoy the feel of his 'tache against the lips of their cunnies when he takes part in his favourite sport of muff-diving.

The bath was now ready and I was about to step into the warm water when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. 'Just a moment,' I shouted out as I slipped on my dressing gown and rushed out of the bathroom to discover who wanted to speak to me. To my astonishment, my unexpected guest turned out to be none other than the pert little maid who had been out in the garden a few minutes ago.

'Hello, Sally, what can I do for you?' I gulped, feeling my cheeks colour up again. She giggled: 'Well, sir, please don't think me too forward but I was so shocked to see you standing at the window in the altogether that I've come over all hot and bothered and wondered if you would let me have a bath in your tub. The hot-water tank's full but it'll need at least two hours to heat up again so I'll need to use your bathwater after you've finished with it.'

I looked at her blankly and Sally patiently repeated her request which in the circumstances I felt unable to refuse. Two charming dimples appeared on either side of the pretty girl's rich red lips when she smiled her thanks and followed me into the bathroom.

'You can sit on my bed and read the magazine on the side table,' I said to her, but the little vixen twinkled: 'Oh, if you like, Mister Andrew, but I think I have a far better idea. My friend Ellen works at Mrs. Shackleton's Salon in Wardour Street and she says her clients really enjoy a Continental-style assisted bath. Let me give you one- Ellen's told me what I have to do and I think we would both enjoy the experience.'